Nurturing Relationships

Grandma Basics 101  Post #1

There are as many different kinds of grandmas as there are kinds of women … some are great grandmas, some are good grandmas, some glamorous grandmas, some Earth Mother grandmas, some grouchy grandmas, and some are uninterested and absent. Want to be the kind of grandmother that goes down in history as the best one EVER?

I am writing a series of 6 posts, each about a way of becoming that kind of grandparent … think of it as being enrolled in a basic course in grandmothering from the Gung Ho Grandma School of Awesomeness!

Here is the first post …

Post #1  Make Life Easier For the New Parents

Yaaay! … your child has just had a baby! You have just been officially welcomed into the Grandma Gang.

I have just returned from visiting my second oldest daughter after she had her first baby … an adorable little boy. Here are 8 ways that you can help the new, overwhelmed parents out (and I swear I did try to follow them) :

It can be a SUPER difficult thing for a gung ho grandma to live far away from her grandchildren. We are always looking for ways to stay connected with these children that we love. This is the second half of a post on staying connected across distances … the first was my post Using Technology to Connect to Your Grandchildren

In this day and age of Facebook, Instagram and messaging, sending things in the mail may seem a bit dated. But there is something magical to a child about getting an envelope or package in the mailbox with their name on it. It is a little like opening a gift at Christmas.  And unlike email or texts, when kids get mail, they have a tangible reminder of you that they can hold in their two little hands and enjoy over and over again. That is better than a text any day.

There is also something exciting for a child in going to the post office and putting something addressed to their grandma in that magical slot and knowing that days later it will arrive in your hands.

Here are some ideas of ways to use mail to connect with your grandchild:

You’ve spent a wonderful day with your young grandchild, and now, sadly, it is time for them to go home. For most of us gung ho grandmas, that normally consists of a hug, a kiss, and a wave from the door as we say, “Good-bye.”

One fun idea to make the parting a little more memorable, is to use these adorable animal good-byes (I used them all the time when I taught grade 3). I had a poster of them by the classroom door and said a different one each time my students left to go home (which you could also do). Or you could always use the same one whenever you are saying good-bye, so it becomes a special, predictable thing just between grandma and grandchild.

So, choose one you really like, and give it a try. Parting doesn’t always have to be “such sweet sorrow” … it can just be sweet.

Grandmothers are the people who take great delight in hearing babies breathing into the phone.

It can be a SUPER difficult thing for a gung ho grandma to live far away from her grandchildren. We want to be able to hug them, talk to them, sing songs, and spend time together to create bonding memories. What do we do if we are not physically present to do those things on a regular basis?

We worry that they won’t “know us”.

The AARP (the American Association of Retired Persons) says that almost half of all grandparents live more than 200 miles from their grandchildren and spend less time with them than they would like because of the distance. Despite this, most grandmas still feel like they are a significant part of their grandchildren’s lives.

 

“Grammie, tell me again about when you were little and your brother locked you in the chicken feed bin when you were visiting your Grandma Chubala’s farm, and he wouldn’t let you out.”

 

My brother really did do that to me… and it was pretty traumatic thing to happen to a city kid. Lance had talked me into crawling through the tiny square door near the top of the small, round-topped shed, insisting he would follow close behind me.  I fell into the pale yellow feed on the floor and by the time I stood up and was brushing myself off, the door had closed and I heard the click of the hook being placed in its ring. It was dark and difficult to breathe with the feed dust floating in the air. I yelled and yelled, my fear rising and rising (I am claustrophobic, after all) and all I heard in response were the cows mooing near the barn. Finally, after what must have been 127 hours (hope you got that reference),  the small door opened, the sunlight burst in, hurting my eyes, and there was my grandma. The only consolation was she gave me a cookie and my brother got the sharp point of her anger.

Retelling stories like these is not simply a way to entertain your grandchildren.  Over the past 25 years, there has been a lot of research that shows that family stories shared with children help them in many ways. For instance, children of families who tell stories from the past demonstrate better understanding of other people’s thought and actions.  When stories are told with lots of detail to young children, they learn to tell more detailed stories to other adults. Preteen kids whose families talk about everyday events and family history with them often have higher self-esteem and better concepts of themselves. Adolescents with a stronger knowledge of their family history have more developed identities, lower rates of depression, and better coping skills.

As I was taking a leisurely walk today, I listened to a podcast that got me thinking. The speaker explained he was taking a sobering walk through Arlington Cemetery and the thought came to him, “What do I want to be remembered for?”

Well, something in my gung ho grandma brain clicked, and I spent the morning thinking about that very question. As a grandmother, how do I want to be remembered when my grandchildren think back about their time with me? I know the things I DON’T care about being remembered for … how good of a dresser I was, my connections to important people (not that I really have any), what nice possessions I owned, or how much money I spent on them.

I have a tender spot in my heart for a scene in the movie,  The Help. It is where the maid and nanny Aibileen repeatedly says to the little 4 year old girl, who was ignored by her own mother, “You is smart, you is kind, you is important.” Okay, so the grammar was a little off, but Aibileen’s intentions were spot on. She knew how important positive messages were for this little mistreated child to hear.

Grandmas are important people in the lives of their grandchildren, and their words can have great power. The way we talk to children become their inner voices. Words of encouragement that I heard from my parents and grandparents have stayed with me.

Here is a list of 50 positive things to say to children that you can say that can make a difference in how your grandchild sees themselves: